Being an Asshole is Totally Unacceptable

I consider myself to be a friendly person. I get down with "you get what you give." When I pass people on the street, I acknowledge their existence by saying hello or at the very least, smiling at them. I'm not sure what happened to humanity, but the concept of being polite to your fellow man is totally lost on people these days.

My mother, Big L, always taught Sisters and I that being an asshole is totally unacceptable. She believed, and still believes, that it's wholly important for the moral strength of the individual to be helpful and polite whenever possible. She was extremely strict with the whole "please" and "thank you" routine, too. When I was a kiddo, I hated this and felt that being polite was "stupid." [I admit, I was being slightly immature. lay off me, I was 7.]

As is with most things in my life, I now completely appreciate what Big L was trying to teach Sisters and I. Unfortunately, it seems no one else in the UNIVERSE was raised the same way. I guess I shouldn't say "no one", but you have to admit that it's rare for people to be helpful or polite to a stranger. It's like they automatically assume that because they don't know you, you're either diseased, a vagabond, or a killer/bank robber on the run. This might be true in some cases, but saying "hello" is not, generally-speaking, how diseases are transmitted or why a killer/bank robber would stop their crime spree to shoot you in the face. Seriously. My issue with these douches is that when I go out of my way to say hello to you, especially after we've made eye contact, it's polite and humane to say hello the fuck back to me. Observe:

I will always think you're a motherfucker if you don't reply to a simple "hello." You're either a motherfucker or a motherfucking alien. Doesn't matter. If you're an alien, take some notes dickbag and say hello when someone greets you.

One day, while I was walking Loxley [our dog of pure awesomesauce], I passed three separate people who did that weird I-made-eye-contact-with-you-but-I'm-going-to-pretend-that-I-didn't thing. Luckily, I'm a pro at recognizing this. Undeterred, I still said hello to each person and received, as I'm sure you've guessed, no response.

By the time Lox and I were ending our walk, I was so pissed off I could hardly make it back to the house. I'm fairly certain I screamed at a squirrel, but being fully enveloped in dino-bear rage, I can't be sure.

Before my dino-bear meltdown, I considered that these people were aliens, but you know what? I don't give a fuck. You need to learn some etiquette. Not even just normal manners, but small town etiquette, which is its own bag of fun. Think about it. If you live in a small town, you see familiar faces everyday. Your face is familiar to someone else [insert creepy stalker music here].  I see the same 5 people every morning during my run and those 5 people/aliens better learn to say hello. [This does not include the adorable bearded gentleman walking to/from work with his red igloo lunchbox. You're terrific.]

To make matters worse, has anyone else noticed how some parents do not want their kids to say hello? What in the holy hell is that all about? I get the "don't talk to strangers" bit. Big L didn't want us to go off and hold conversations with strangers about their candy, puppies or bikes; but she did tell us that "saying hello is just what people should do" ESPECIALLY if that person doesn't look like a creepshow. After several clinical studies, I've determined that parents aren't doing it to protect their children, they're just being fucking rude. The only other plausible explanation is that they are cave people who don't recognize creatures of the same species when they pass them on the street or anywhere, for that matter, outside of their cave. I should mention that none of us "non cave dwellers" want to eat their cave babies so there is no need to shield them from us. Observe:

See what I mean? I could totally understand the whole "clutch your baby to your bosom thing" if I looked like a fucking lagoon creature, but I don't [on most days]. Those parents are perpetuating their bad attitude/weirdo behavior. Rather than instill wisdom and insight, they'd prefer to leave their children with rudeness/drone-like behavior as their sole coping mechanism. The only solace I take from this is that those kids will grow up to be drug dealers, derelicts or stupid bitches [could be men or women, I don't discriminate with 'bitches'. It's unisex in my book]. It is also possible that these cave people are actually the aforementioned aliens, which would explain the vacant look in their eyes; but I have yet to study them in their natural habitat. I don't do caves. If you've seen The Descent, you know why.