How the Lion King Soundtrack Can Save Your Life

Not so long ago, I drove with my sister from Pennsylvania to Texas. She was moving there because she had just graduated, and like most new graduates, she had no idea what to do with her life. Hence, a two-day journey through many states I've never been to before, nor will I go back to [Arkansas] ever again. ever.

After several hours of driving and two dead ipods, we were listening to the radio. It starts out innocently enough. You're still practicing safe driving techniques: 10 and 2, people. 10 and 2.  Lady Gaga comes on and you get into the groove. You're sucked in by her tranny dancing and crazy beats. Admit it. We all do it. We were all on the Edge of Glory.

After 4 - 7 times, you realize that Lady Gaga is irritating the shit out of you. Not nearly as irritating as Katy Perry, but preeeeeeeetttty close. You start hearing crazy messages in the music. You suddenly realize that she's been judging you the whole time. Mocking you with her fancy songs. What's that Lady Gaga? You wanna say that to my face?! 

 This is what happens to me when I've heard one song >15 times within a 24 hour period, and I've been in the same car for 10 hours. Something pre-programmed, most likely during the incubation period, SNAPS and my rage can no longer be contained.

Psychosis has set in. You're gripping the steering wheel , crushing it in a fit of rage. Your upper body strength has quadrupled in mere seconds. You will EAT the radio. It's the only way.

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, my sister has a much higher Lady Gaga threshold than I. Where I have obviously reached critical mass, Sister can calmly assess the situation and devise a cunning plan. You can thank her at any time for saving the lives of many, many innocent people.

*No longer practicing safe driving techniques. You don't need to. Simba knows.

And that is how the Lion King soundtrack can save your life. TRUST me.